The quote I’ve started with here is from The Power of Awareness, which is one of my favorite Neville books. It also sums up how I got rid of debilitating social anxiety and brought in recognition and new opportunities in my workplace.
When I say debilitating anxiety, I mean it. In my role as trainer, I have to be in front of people a lot. I ended up there because I am good at it, but impostor syndrome got in my way. It led to me feeling extremely depressed and quitting the job a couple of years ago (luckily, they were willing to bring me back in after I reapplied earlier this year).
Before I quit, I was in the state of someone who reluctantly got in front of people and didn’t feel confident as a trainer. I spent my free time dreading the next workshop and reflecting on things clients said that made me feel that my training was not beneficial to them.
Because I felt unworthy of my role, I saw evidence of that in my physical reality. I focused on it so much that my anxiety grew until I sought a doctor’s help for it. I went on beta blockers. I still dreaded the workshops and spent a lot of time and energy hating my job.
Ultimately, the thoughts are the root of anxiety. Beta blockers fixed the physical symptoms but not what was going on in my mind to cause them. Whenever I felt anxious, it was a thought I was reacting to: I’m not good enough, I’m going to mess up, they won’t like me, what if my company realizes I’m not good at this and I get fired, etc. On and on it went until I just gave up for a while.
I re-discovered LOA late last year and began to apply it more seriously. After realizing that I could apply it to anything, I decided to use it to get rid of the anxiety and impostor syndrome that have held me back in my career for so long.
You see, for most of my life, I have held a belief that I do things incorrectly or that other people know better than I do. I placed my faith in a “universe” outside me that knew what was best for me. I looked to other people for advice constantly. I got into romantic relationships with unequal power dynamics, me always on the lower end of the scale.
I realized this lack of faith in my own power and ability was spilling over into my work life with my belief that I didn’t know enough to be a trainer, that there was someone better for that role than me, that I was going to mess up at my job. In I Know My Father, Neville states, “It is your belief in the thing and not the thing itself that aids you. Therefore, stop transferring the power that you are to things round about you.”
Before reapplying to the job and even after I got re-hired, I worked hard on my self-concept. I started to see myself as someone who does know a lot, who is good at her job – not only good at it, but the best person for the role of trainer. It did take a lot of repetition and remaining conscious of my thoughts, especially when there was no external validation or anyone to confirm the new beliefs for me. It did take some time. But I got there, and I did eventually experience outward confirmation of my new concept of myself.
Only a couple of weeks ago, I was approached to assist with some emergency training for a group of contractors hired by my company, as the original trainers backed out last minute. Literally, the project manager informed me that I had about an hour to prepare for the morning’s session if I chose to do it.
I decided to do it, and of course, I felt uneasy. My heart raced a bit at first, but I told myself that was normal. Anyone would feel nervous about being asked to go in front of a group of people with only an hour’s preparation, and it didn’t mean I couldn’t do it. I also decided to focus on how much I would help the contractors, as many of them had no familiarity with the content I would train them on, and they really needed my help.
My training was received well by the contractors. We had fun in the sessions, and in the exercises I had them do, they reflected their learning back to me. The project managers were happy with my approach, and mid-week, I got an email from the COO of my company recognizing me as essential to the success of that team and project. Afterward, I was asked to be on another project that involves travel to somewhere beautiful that I would love to visit. Yes, all of that really happened, and it was all because I changed my concept of myself and focused on myself in a new way.
All this is to say that if you ask me if it is possible to manifest away anxiety with LOA, my answer is a resounding yes. You need to observe the thoughts that are giving your anxiety and then change them. I also want to quickly say that, even though I decided to stop my prescription meds, I am not saying that they don't help or that people shouldn't take them. Do what works for you! But also work on your assumptions.
And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. – Romans 12:2